Fiction Fixation

Scissors Weren't Necessary (Movie recap, Edward Scissorhands)

Taking it way back with a Tim Burton classic, Edward Scissor Hands. Starring Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. This proves that white women really WILL try to rescue any. And reminds us that MLM's are not millennial hell device, they've been been around for a long time. 

Also, Johnny Depp in leather. With scissor hands. For some fucking reason. 

Girl, You Didn't Even Try (Movie Recap, Ella Enchanted)

Rounding off October with this flouncy, early 2000's number we recap Ella Enchanted. Starring Anne Hathaway, Hugh Fancy, Minnie Driver and Vivica Fox. 

It's fun, it's medieval, it's... modern? You'll see what we mean. Ella is way too smart to have gone 17 years with this curse. We literally spent 3 hours with her curse and came up with like 15 loopholes. But we'll forgive it, because without it she wouldn't have got her golden retriever, almost man bun having Prince/King. 

I Knew That Jawline (Movie Recap, Van Helsing)

In the spirit of spooky season, we recap this fantasy masterpiece starring Hugh Jackman (who Courtney didn't recognize by face, but by Jawline). There's a lot going on here and honestly, what's not to love? You got your monsters, your fairy tales, your religious trauma and your morally corrupt murderous angelic man (maybe still angel?). Plus, there is a man bun. Oh, there's a plot too. But that's less important than the man bun tbh. 

Girls Will Be Girls (Movie Recap, Pure)

A recap of purely (pun intended) girly things. Summoning a demon, the mother of demons to be more specific, at an ALT right purity camp. These girls really saw an opportunity to say 'we're just girls' and said bet, summoning Lilith and taking vengence. Jahkara Smith, McKaley Miller, Ciara Bravo, Annalisa Cochrane are an absolute delight, while Scott Porter and Jim Klock are... well, there. Mayor Paul (Ginny and Georgia reference) would never do this to us, but Pastor Seth definitely would, and does. 

No Alien Banging! (Movie Recap, The Adjustment Bureau)

Oh. My. God. A Sci-Fi movie where no one had to have sex with an alien? We are totally down for this recap starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt that centers around, wait for it, FATE. We think. Like if we had to name it, we'd name it Fate. This movie is the perfect example of 'if he wanted to, he would.' Because Matt Damon wanted to, and he did. More than once. And that chemistry? Give it an EGOT.  

Are WE The Uglies? (Movie Recap, Uglies)

Gen Z is finally getting their YA movie mania. Or, sorta. They got this one. This singular movie. Starring Joey King, Laverne Cox, Keith Power, Chase Stokes and Brianne Tju, we deep dive into this dystopian hell where you're insecurities are highlighted. But don't worry, when you turn 16, before you can drive a car, you get to consent to major plastic surgery and change anything you want about your appearance. Not only do you GET to, you're required to. The other option is living in the woods with a bunch of Uglies who are objectively hotter that the Pretties. 

Don't worry, we're confused too. 

'00's Teenage Boy Crack (Movie Recap, Fight Club)

Starring Ed Norton, Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter we recap this cult classic that starred in the fantasies of teenage boys (and some adult men) for years. We understand that this movie was made for men, by men. And it shows. No follow up questions, blind following into violence, not a secretary or assistant in sight but magically things are getting done. Hell, someone is even filing. This movie is the epitome of a man's spank bank- beating the shit out of each other instead of going to therapy. 

Just Boys Kissing (Movie Recap, Challengers)

Everyone was talking about this...Tennis movie? Starring Mike Faist, Josh O'Connor and Zendaya. We had to check it out and see what all the rave was about. Tennis, by default, is kind of a boring sport, but we were seated during this recap. SEATED. Tashi, played by Zendaya, is toxic AF here. A true homewrecker of this bromance. A manipulator of men. We ain't mad about it either. She's a player playing players. 

Skins Suits or nah? (Movie Recap, I Am Number Four)

The YA book to movie adaptation boom wouldn't have been complete without hot teenage alien chosen ones. This movie goes hard on that trope. We're left with a lot of lingering questions, but our inner teenagers are satisfied. 

Shroom Therapy For Men (Movie Recap, Knocked Up)

These two really did too much. It was 2007, not 1807. They didn't have to get married cause they fell victim to tequila shots and got pregnant. It was modern times, my loves. Their relationship honestly sounds like the beginning to a bad a joke, but like in a genuinely funny way? 

Starring Katherine Heigel, Seth Rogan, Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd this week's deep dive recaps the 2007 Rom Com, Knocked Up.